Why do we have bad physical intimacy?

In 2017 we saw and heard a lot of bad press about bad physical intimacy, sexual harassment and abuse.

Bad intimacy has been happening for a long time – but there is a big opportunity now because of all of the media for a discussion about the problems.

This video is addressing the causes that create adults, young adults (and teens) who experience bad physical intimacy.

The big cause I focus on is that when children grow up when they get physically aroused, they are not taught what to do with that excitement.

And when you aren’t shown WHAT to do or how to act when you’re aroused (and you also may feel shy or awkward about your body or personality) the feeling of arousal gets associated with something awkward, something shameful and a feeling that you should get over and done with quickly – rather than a feeling that you could enjoy, explore, savor or be playful with.

When you aren’t taught HOW to behave when you’re stimulated, the images associated with arousal will be dominated by what you have been exposed by through youtube, porn, images of women and men that are not real. And overly sexual images of men and women are on the rise in western (occidental) media – so they also play a big role in associating natural feelings of arousal with “getting that feeling out of your body” in a sexual way.

Instead, we can teach young adults when they get aroused that there are playful ways to explore the feeling. Plus we can share with young adults and adults that when you are aroused – it’s not about the physical body alone, it’s about the excitement of getting to know a whole person, their quirks, their personality, their imagination – and their emotions.

Arousal is a healthy feeling, and unless we teach young people what to do, how to behave and how to express themselves when they get excited – their choices will be conditioned by the images in the media and our culture’s collective shame about sex.

Our minds and imaginations are hungry for the inspiration of what could be so wonderful to experience with our bodies – and if we want to teach people to enjoy arousal – the simple strategy I share in the video – is to encourage people to SLOW DOWN when they get excited and think:

How can I honor what I’m feeling AND the feelings of the person I’m with – so we’re BOTH having fun.

How can I be interested in the whole person infront of me?


How can I lighten up, slow down – and enjoy all of myself – not feel I have “do something” with the feelings of arousal.