When love is there but the sex is gone

Gina answers your love questions.

I still love my partner but we just don’t have sex anymore, what do I do?

They don’t seem to have a problem with the lack of sex either!

This question arises more questions…

One needs to understand that there are many different reasons why people choose not to have sex anymore…. or for a while.

A very important aspect of any relationship is ‘openness’. Can two people in ‘love’, truly speak openly to each other?  Can they tell their partner how they feel and know that they  are being heard with an open mind and open heart?  How much does the partner trust the other?  How safe does a partner feel that they can tell the other what is truly in their mind?

We, at times, like to believe that we can speak our minds and it is ok…. but is it?

Once we have acknowledged that it’s ok to speak “our truth”, we can now get to the

bottom of the issue of “lack of sex”, because now we can ask the questions.

The first question one needs to verify is if this is a physical or medical condition. So possibly booking an appointment with a physician is the first step.

This done and one receives a clean bill of health, the next step is having a ‘heart to heart’ talk with your partner.  This conversation starts with both partners knowing that it’s ok to be completely open and the thoughts and words exchanged will be listened to with love and openness. Then the most important part is to actually do this: make sure that whatever is said is from heart and also heard from heart.

This discussion is very important, as two people need to understand how they both feel about their sexuality and about how they connect as a couple.  What are the expectations of each one?  How important is it that these expectations are met? What are the boundaries?

Sex is a topic that people need to discuss when they meet, especially important if they choose to become a “couple”.  Sex seems to be something that people assume just is and everyone knows what is expected….but that is not so.

It is just as important as a couple discussing if they choose to have a family, or where are going to live?  Or where will they have their wedding ceremony?  Which religion are they going to raise their children.  So many couples seem to take more time discussing what kind of reception they will have and not how is their sex life going to bring them mutual satisfaction.  How important is sex to either one?  How many times per week?  How much play time is needed?  How and who starts the connection?  How playful can one be?

Once we take the time to get to know the other, then we know how playful we can be with each other.  How one likes to be touched… How one “needs” to be loved.

If we take the time to discover who we are individually, then we know how our separate selves can come together to give each other the kind of pleasure we both can enjoy and cherish.

If a couple has this type of connection and openness and is completely in tune with the other, then when a partner feels not in the mood to have sex as much or not anymore, the discussion has already happened and one already knows what the issue is.

It all comes down to… do we… people…take the time to really get to know each other, or are we afraid to show our soul to our partner, lover, friend…  whatever the situation is with your loved one, whether it’s short term or life long… take the time to get to know each other.  Sit quietly, put some soft music on.. and just touch each other, know what it feels like to long for each other…know how it feels to miss each other… to want each other so bad that it hurts… how do you react in that moment… do you want to strongly connect, feel, touch each other all over… how important is it to have that amazing touch, that passionate kiss… that longing to just BE in each others presence…. to know every part of your body deeply, passionately, totally….

Know before you start your ‘relationship’ how important is sex to the other. Know how your partner wants/needs to be touched.  Understand each other so you know if this can be a life long connection.  Know/Learn beforehand if your partner likes to be ‘quirky’, ‘kinky’, ‘crazy’, ‘soft’, ‘passionate’, needs foreplay or just wants to get to the heart of it.  Know if they need to play games…. KNOW EACH OTHER… so there are no surprises… understand that sex is a very important part of a ‘relationship’. It’s what gives us pleasure and we all want pleasure in life.  Let your partner know that sex is important to you and that if there are any issues, these need to be talked about … and because you love them, you will hear them with a loving heart…with softness and not judgment.  Make it a place where a partner is comfortable talking with you.

Life is too short… Life is a PRESENT…. Life is the Gift we give to each other and to ourselves. So live it fully, totally, completely in PASSION, in LOVE, in JOY.

May you always be the gift you want the world to give you…

Wishing you all much LOVE AND DIVINE LIGHT….

Gina Goddess Magenta