With the shift in relationships and marriage, what is commitment in ANY relationship?
Whether its a work relationship, a community relationship, a commitment to wake up in the morning and show up – all of our commitments these days are open to a lot of questioning.
The very structure of traditional model of marriage is no longer solid. Divorce and break ups of relationships are now an accepted part of our society. Single parent families are part of the communities we grow up in. Teenage pregnancy and the new families that are coming in are making us question:
What are we committing to? When do we commit? How long are we committing for? What is the point where we say I don’t want to do this anymore?
Are we committing to raise a child? How are we going to show up for the child? Who is going to help raise the child?
What are we committed to giving that child in this world?
Whether you are the parent of the child or not, how are you going to be affected by the change in how children are being raised?
In the traditional model of marriage where the mother and father were committed to each other, many of us grew up with one or both parents being absent because they were forced to work so they could provide financially for the family.
How many of us remember having their father at home when they grew up?
These days, more fathers are spending quality time with children because they are stay at home dads or they choosing to spend quality time with the kids when they don’t live with them all the time. The very nature of parenting is under huge shift.
How does this affect our society’s perspective on commitment?
As we grow, we model commitment and everything from our parents and how we experience their level of commitment.
Talking to a few friends over the weekend, I realized my personal experience of commitment to a male partner was affected by how absent my father was. Even though I had good feeling of love and protection from dad, he was hardly home and always working. So commitment from a male partner for me was flavored by someone who would not be there for me physically.
Have you experienced situations where your partner doesn’t want to commit? Maybe this is connected to your core modeling of how your father or mother was not physically present for you. As a child you develop expectations that those closest to you won’t be there when you need or want them.
How do you know a future mate is your life partner?
How do you truly know what you want in a life partner?
If you have not had parents who spent quality time with you and developed relationship with you, you missed out on the experiences that create bonding, deeper intimacy and a sense of connection. You can always learn deeper connection with friends and a romantic partner. But if you are struggling with your ability to know if you are with the right person, perhaps you are expressing that childhood search for more quality connection with our parents.
If you have a deep need to be in a relationship or fear of being alone, this could also be a sign of a childhood where you didn’t have a parent or close adult there for you.
All the more importance these days to make sure our youth have adults they trust who they can turn too!
Today our relationships in the “shift” between the old ways of being and new ways of being are testing all our fears of committing to someone.
If we can start to address how we have missed that deeper connection in our own childhood, then you can begin to listen to the voices in you that are calling out for a deeper commitment to loving yourself.
Loving yourself is not just saying I love you in the mirror.
Loving yourself is looking at all the parts of you that are unseen and scary, the lonely parts of you, the parts that you don’t tell anyone else about because you fear they will think you are not all “together”.
Loving yourself is asking what am I committed to bringing to a relationship and asking what is the love you wish to create in a relationship. The love you are choosing to create in a relationship is what you are committing to.
So if you do end up in any relationship, whether its romantic, personal, business or otherwise spend quality time defining what is it you are committed to creating in the relationship. This is how we create commitment in the new era.
If you rely on old concepts of commitment – you are not serving yourself or helping the world deal with all the dramatic change in relationships. The world will never go back to typical models of marriage – so we need to define NEW models of commitment and speak to each other consciously about WHAT WE ARE COMMITTING TO!
THIS IS THE POWER of our new era – we are actively RE-DEFINING relationships with our new levels of commitment and what we are committing to.
If you have a boyfriend who won’t commit, then acknowledge that he doesn’t want to make that choice.
And go back to what YOU are choosing to commit to instead.
Many traditional love coaches may say that a man does not commit to a woman because she does not have certain qualities or exude the feminine. I disagree that it is this simple. As we are in the new era of relationships and the world, traditional models of commitment are crumbling – and we are in the process of redefining on a PERSONAL level what we TRULY prioritize in our lives.
A man may not commit for the first time in history – because simply – he doesn’t have to! He can CHOOSE to create a different relationship where he is not pressured to be the bread winner or provider. Men need to now more than ever, look deep inside and DECIDE, what is it they wish to bring to relationships and the WORLD. When a man steps into being a leader or example for the world community he has a bigger sense of what he is committing to. If a man gives birth to a child, he needs to understand how his commitment to the child will change the world and affect not just that child – but what that child can bring to the world.
The rise in consciousness – is asking us to feel on a PERSONAL level – how understanding the evolution of the globe depends on our commitment to affecting the lives of younger human beings – and all those we interact with on a daily intimate level.
If YOUR man or woman is not committing to you then ask what is it they need to commit to in their life? If they are finding it hard to make a decision to commit, they are also not clear on what they are committed to in their life. Once they are clear on their passion in life, what motivates them to get out of bed, what motivates them to change their life for the better, then they can ask how does this relationship to you improve or enhance their life.
And if they have a problem knowing what they are passionate about…..and you don’t feel they are passionate with you – then get them to a coach or me!
When someone is not passionate, they are simply holding back the desire to look at all the parts of themselves because they think its too scary, too hard or no-one is interested. Are you interested in your partner’s growth? How can you inspire them to look at the parts that hold them back from committing to a passion to be the change they want to see in the world?
And what are you are committed to bringing to your relationship – is also your key to what you are passionate about!