Why Haven't I met someone yet?

This topic “why haven't I met someone yet?” has been a perplexing one for me with some of my clients and also long-term friends. Let's review some of the factors that influence why you might be single whereas someone else is not

I have had a lot of long-term friends who have been chronically single and I have had friends who have had a long period of their lives where they have not been able to find someone.

It's always been a mystery when I've been with those friends who have been single for maybe more than half their life to really look at what are those factors that mean someone else is in a relationship but you're still not. It can be really frustrating as well!

I've been studying love for a very long time since I was a young child and I was into fairy tales and romance.

I looked at romance and the factors that drew us to certain people and created relationships that didn't last. I wanted to know why you would go into a relationship that didn't last. What I found is those who don't attract someone is that they have a certain story love story that they're experiencing to resolve old feelings such as:

• they have to fit into a mold or image of what they should be to be accepted,

• they're are not loveable,

• love is painful therefore dangerous and better avoided.

And the list can go on and on.

The other factor I found in the chronically single is they have been punishing themselves for a very long time. It's almost like they're born with this feeling such as "I should be doing something that I'm not doing" so if I looked at the language of most of my friends who have been single chronically they often say "I should be in a relationship but I'm not"

There's a constant berating of themselves. It's not only that self deprecate or put themselves down but it's like they're not living up to some standard that is some society-imposed standard and they don't meet that mark and are therefore deficient

When I look at my cultural background from Sicily, Italy, when women were spinsters they were also considered less. Today we don't have that same terminology, but it's still there. Women who are single are considered like somehow you've missed out and there is cultural baggage of not fitting into some social expectation, so as a result that person goes into self-punishing.

Now having said that, there's also some of you who may be watching who are not chronically single but you're single now and you've had a relationship, but you're single for a long time. OR you've been on the dating circuit and not having success. So this pattern I found was reflective of people who had been born with a pattern of really resolving an old feeling which could be a soul feeling. Somehow once again, they have to fit into a social expectation and they failed. So there's a factor of self-punishment or I'm not meeting up to some standards. I'm not fitting in but they have to also go through actual heartbreak to experience it so they have to have someone and lose them and go through a lot of heartbreak because of it and betrayal. Betrayal is a very heavy energy so for those of you who have had relationships and you're still single and you're dealing with betrayal, thank you because you're doing such big work on handling some very big emotions, which deal with what if I do make something in my life or in the world and I fail miserably at it and you get to experience. Some people do it through money or business and some through childbirth and losing a child. And you do it through losing a relationship. So you're working on that heart energy of what happens if I really mess up here and I've exposed myself and opened my heart.

Now if you are still single some of the factors that a lot of people teach are the Law of Attraction, which talks about focusing on that feeling that you're going to have when you share and I also really do a lot of work with that you can also pick up my book Cracking the Relationship Code which has the Ultimate Lover Exercise there and you get to do it, practice it so it is a level of chemically feeling it, feeling it, feeling what it's like.

The other aspect is to look at any feelings of "I don't fit in", "I failed", "I'm never going to make it". And with those three aspects of things that you have come to finally once and for all feel at a very big level and say "I'm going to be Who I am".

Not everybody who is chronically single (and I know people in their 70s) or still single was meant to be in a couple. That does not have to be your fate but if you can resolve the feelings of "I'm never going to be successful, I failed, I'm never going to be what society wants", if you can resolve those heavy judgments about yourself what happens is a huge burden is lifted and so when you go into manifesting and thinking about calling in the one, your heart is actually happy!

I found that those people who use the Law of Attraction who haven't gone and resolved those feelings in the heart, they keep on attracting those unresolved feelings. That's the law of attraction! So what I do is get you to look at the unresolved stuff and build a love around that.

That love will manifest a partner because you now have experienced failure and you're a lot more compassionate to yourself.

Thank you for joining the daily love and togetherness and let's learn a lot more about building that compassion for you and ourselves.

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Transcript with some interesting additions August 2024