Relationship Rescue

Gina Guidarelli, Reiki Master, Love, Sex and Relationship Guide and Spiritual Advisor. Every month in our relationship advice page, I ask Gina a question on different relationship issues – so please email your questions to angela@dancewithangela.com

Originally a financial banker, mortgage underwriter and debt consultant, Gina is sought daily by business colleagues and clients for help with their relationships. Gina (aka Goddess Magenta) connects to the feminine principles of love and wisdom. She specializes in helping men with their relationships and teaching women how to help their men. She is located in Toronto Canada and available for phone and in person appointments.

contact Gina at Goddessmagenta@yahoo.com

NOVEMBER 2010

I still love my partner but we just don’t have sex anymore, what do I do?

They don’t seem to have a problem with the lack of sex either!

This question arises more questions…

One needs to understand that there are many different reasons why people choose not to have sex anymore…. or for a while.

A very important aspect of any relationship is ‘openness’. Can two people in ‘love’, truly speak openly to each other?  Can they tell their partner how they feel and know that they  are being heard with an open mind and open heart?  How much does the partner trust the other?  How safe does a partner feel that they can tell the other what is truly in their mind?

We, at times, like to believe that we can speak our minds and it is ok…. but is it?

Once we have acknowledged that it’s ok to speak “our truth”, we can now get to the

bottom of the issue of “lack of sex”, because now we can ask the questions.

The first question one needs to verify is if this is a physical or medical condition. So possibly booking an appointment with a physician is the first step.

This done and one receives a clean bill of health, the next step is having a ‘heart to heart’ talk with your partner.  This conversation starts with both partners knowing that it’s ok to be completely open and the thoughts and words exchanged will be listened to with love and openness. Then the most important part is to actually do this: make sure that whatever is said is from heart and also heard from heart.

This discussion is very important, as two people need to understand how they both feel about their sexuality and about how they connect as a couple.  What are the expectations of each one?  How important is it that these expectations are met? What are the boundaries?

Sex is a topic that people need to discuss when they meet, especially important if they choose to become a “couple”.  Sex seems to be something that people assume just is and everyone knows what is expected….but that is not so.

It is just as important as a couple discussing if they choose to have a family, or where are going to live?  Or where will they have their wedding ceremony?  Which religion are they going to raise their children.  So many couples seem to take more time discussing what kind of reception they will have and not how is their sex life going to bring them mutual satisfaction.  How important is sex to either one?  How many times per week?  How much play time is needed?  How and who starts the connection?  How playful can one be?

Once we take the time to get to know the other, then we know how playful we can be with each other.  How one likes to be touched… How one “needs” to be loved.

If we take the time to discover who we are individually, then we know how our separate selves can come together to give each other the kind of pleasure we both can enjoy and cherish.

If a couple has this type of connection and openness and is completely in tune with the other, then when a partner feels not in the mood to have sex as much or not anymore, the discussion has already happened and one already knows what the issue is.

It all comes down to… do we… people…take the time to really get to know each other, or are we afraid to show our soul to our partner, lover, friend…  whatever the situation is with your loved one, whether it’s short term or life long… take the time to get to know each other.  Sit quietly, put some soft music on.. and just touch each other, know what it feels like to long for each other…know how it feels to miss each other… to want each other so bad that it hurts… how do you react in that moment… do you want to strongly connect, feel, touch each other all over… how important is it to have that amazing touch, that passionate kiss… that longing to just BE in each others presence…. to know every part of your body deeply, passionately, totally….

Know before you start your ‘relationship’ how important is sex to the other. Know how your partner wants/needs to be touched.  Understand each other so you know if this can be a life long connection.  Know/Learn beforehand if your partner likes to be ‘quirky’, ‘kinky’, ‘crazy’, ‘soft’, ‘passionate’, needs foreplay or just wants to get to the heart of it.  Know if they need to play games…. KNOW EACH OTHER… so there are no surprises… understand that sex is a very important part of a ‘relationship’. It’s what gives us pleasure and we all want pleasure in life.  Let your partner know that sex is important to you and that if there are any issues, these need to be talked about … and because you love them, you will hear them with a loving heart…with softness and not judgment.  Make it a place where a partner is comfortable talking with you.

Life is too short… Life is a PRESENT…. Life is the Gift we give to each other and to ourselves. So live it fully, totally, completely in PASSION, in LOVE, in JOY.

May you always be the gift you want the world to give you…

Wishing you all much LOVE AND DIVINE LIGHT….

Gina Guidarelli

OCTOBER 2010

How do I know when to say “I love you”? What if my partner doesn’t feel the same way about me?

Real love is unconditional…

SEPTEMBER 2010

How does a woman take charge in a relationship? Should I always let a man be “the man”, What does leadership look like for a woman in a relationship?

AUGUST 2010

How do I know when I’m with the wrong guy or girl? Is it possible to make any relationship work?

Very good question for this month….

How do we know if we are with the wrong guy or girl?

INTUITIVELY WE ALL KNOW!!

Yes, we probably don’t want to hear this answer….

and OF COURSE….  in this Divine moment on this amazing earthly plane..

What is RIGHT OR WRONG?

Please understand that I talk to myself as much as I talk to all of you…”my beloved readers”….  There is no right or wrong… It all JUST IS..

We are experiencing, in the moment, what we need to experience in order for our soul self to grow.  It’s not always easy!!  There will be moments of complete dislike of the self or complete love of the self.  Learn to embrace each moment with an open heart, and always remember to “be good to yourself”.

Is it possible to make any relationship work?

Interesting question as humans are very resourceful.

We can make anything work if we choose it, however if we try to mould a person, or a relationship to fit our needs, it may seem like its working…

but is it?

This is where we need to be totally honest with ourselves and truly ask the question… “Why do I want this specific relationship to work?”

Am I doing it from a needy place or is it what we both feel comfortable and peaceful with?

We always know the answer, deep down in our beautiful inner self, but choose to avoid the answer because the truth, at times, hurts.

Allow yourself to BE…. Explore the Moment…. Feel each feeling… Love yourself always….. and remember that once we connect with ourselves and learn to have a beautiful relationship with our “SELF”, only then can we look at loving others, because in that space you will attract  LOVE….

Love & Light,

Goddess Magenta

JULY 2010 QUESTION:

What do I do if my partner is always nagging, criticizing or blaming me for their problems?

If your partner is always criticizing, nagging or blaming for their problems, what can one do?  Good question.

One of the hardest things to do is to look deep within and realize that IT IS THEIR PROBLEM.  A very important rule that we all need to learn is “don’t take it personally”.

Easier said than done, YES I AGREE…. We are human after all.

Listen to your inner knowing and embrace the beautiful person within and understand that if your partner is constantly in that space … they are the ones with the issue!

We have choices…

1) We can choose to support them with their issue and try to make them understand that it is not your fault, and therefore they need to resolve their issue.

2) Love them for who they are and allow them the space to have their journey, while staying in your integrity and knowing that you do not accept any form of abuse.

3) Come to an understanding, for example, that when they say something criticizing, you have a signal that shows they are in that space, whether it’s touching the nose, etc. So that they realize they are emotionally attacking and it doesn’t feel good.  At times, people who are in the habit of criticizing, blaming or nagging, don’t even realize they are doing it. Show them in a simple way what’s happening.

4) The last solution is, if they are not getting that this behavior is hurting you to your core, then a conversation needs to happen to discover how the couple can move forward in love and how peace and balance is to be maintained.

Always speak from the heart, even if it’s very HARD….

LOVE & LIGHT,

GINA

Goddess Magenta

JUNE 2010 QUESTION

What do you do if your man goes into his “cave” because he feels insecure, down or bad about himself and he can’t be honest or reveal his feelings to you?

Our men go in caves to think things out… they need the space to connect with their inner selves.  They think and connect differently; therefore they need the space to organize their thoughts.  This is healthy for men; it is something that is needed for them.  It is difficult for women to understand this, as we need to talk things out with other women.

Going into their caves doesn’t necessary mean they feel bad about themselves or insecure, it may at times, but not necessarily always.

We, women, need to allow our men to be in their space, and not ‘nag’ or constantly ask ‘why are you doing this?’ or  ‘why can’t you be honest with me?’

Men need to feel they can open up with their partners, which means we need to make this a ‘safe place’ for them.  If they feel threatened then they can’t tell us their true feelings.  Many times, at the beginning of the courtship, they are open and honest, but we bring our emotions into it and this makes them pull back.

The true question women need to ask is… “Can we handle the total truth and honesty?”  We think we can, but it’s not always easy.  The moment they are honest with us, we become scared and respond very emotionally sending a message that we can’t handle the truth.

Do we truly want our men to reveal their feelings to us?

We need to learn to listen, intently, from our hearts.  Not judge or become afraid.

When a man tells us how many love affairs he’s had, do we look at these as amazing experiences allowing him to be the man we love today? OR…do we compare ourselves to these other experiences and judge ourselves?  Can we handle true honesty… true feelings… and accept them for the wonderful, loving people they are?

Love & Light

Gina…

Goddess Magenta

MAY 2010 QUESTION

What do you do when you can’t stand your partner’s family?

This is a difficult one because, in essence, your partner and his family are genetically connected, so if you don’t like their family, what is it about them that you also don’t like in your partner?

Now this isn’t a ‘fair’ question, but my darlings, nothing in life truly is.

The idea is to find a common ground, in other words, find something about the family you DO LIKE. There has to be something you totally like about the family, and put your FOCUS on this Loving place.

Instead of coming from a place of  “I can’t stand your family”…

come from a place of heart and say “I like these qualities about your family”…

Know that when you attack your partner’s family, to some extent you also attack your partner.  These are the people your partner has known all their lives, therefore in their eyes, they are normal…. almost ‘perfect’.  Your partner won’t see their family the same manner as you do.

So be kind, be precious and come from a place of heart …… and remember… They must be special for creating the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE”…

Love & Light..

Gina Goddess Magenta

APRIL 2010 QUESTION:

What do you when your partner wants to “break up” your relationship – but you’re still committed to making it work?

Once again I return to the “I AM”….

In any relationship, we need to remind ourselves who are we in relationship with First?

Our first and most important relationship is to OURSELVES….

When we are committed to loving ourselves unconditionally, and to be truthful to our SELF, we then are ready to open our SELF to be in relationship with others.

Relationship is ongoing commitment, nurturing and growth.  While in communication with others we also need to hear our own thoughts, our Self Talk.  Are we being totally honest with Our Selves?  Do we truly hear our Self Talk?  Can we be completely honest and open to our Self?  Once we can say YES to all 3 questions, then this is a first step in truly hearing others.

When a partner wants to break up “your” relationship… are we hearing our partner and knowing the true reason why?  Are we willing to have an honest, open minded and open hearted communication with our partner and get to the root of why he/she feels this way?

If YES, than once you “truly hear your partner” with an open mind and heart, you can understand them completely and your TRUE ENLIGHTENED SELF will know how to move forward.

Ask yourself another very important question:

“Do I truly want to be in a relationship with an individual that has decided to move on”?  “Why do I want this”?  “Don’t I prefer to be in a relationship with someone that loves themselves as much as I Love MYSELF”?

This may be much to take in all at once, but total truth is not always an easy thing to do… Yes I know it, as I too, have to remind myself constantly.  The amazing thing about being Human is that we are not Perfect, as long as we know this and embrace it, then we can embrace the concept that we can always strive for greatness and deep love within.

In Love & Light…

Gina Guidarelli

MARCH 2010 QUESTION:

What do you do if your partner believes you’re selfish and won’t let go of that perception of you – no matter what you do, say or try??

Very good question!!

The question is why is the partner’s perception that “this individual” is selfish?

What has caused this thought pattern and made it so strong that no matter what is said or done, this thought is not “let go”.

So let’s stay focused on what the meaning of Love is…

It is Unconditional Acceptance… and where do we start?

We always start with the I AM… the SELF.

In a relationship WE forget that our main relationship is the one with SELF, based on this Primary Relationship we then look within and know the confines of who WE TRULY ARE.

When I am comfortable with the relationship with SELF, AM comfortable with ME totally, unconditionally… in this frame of mind than we attract partners whom would see us only as someone that is totally together and beautiful in & out.

The other question I would want to ask is… “Why would I choose to be in relationship with an individual that sees me in such a perceived notion?”

So to answer the first question;

In order for an individual to perceive this, they had to have seen such a behavior. Whether the behavior is true or perceived what’s important, in this instance, are communication skills.

Why not ask the partner “why do you perceive me this way”? Then really listen with an open mind and heart, with no anger or judgment, as this could be a moment of truth as to how others see/perceive us…. whether it’s my truth or not.

The Second question -

Why do I choose to be in a ‘relationship’ with a person that has this perception of me… This brings us to the answer that WE need to look within.

It always comes back to the SELF.

When others make judgments about US, these judgments are their perception… whether we choose to take on another’s reality that’s our CHOICE. If my partner sees me as ‘selfish’ than what behavior AM I creating to allow this person to see me this way… can I truly look at Myself and be totally Honest and accept that others will see me in a different Light that I see myself…. and then be totally comfortable in my skin to accept that this may be their perception and I LOVE MYSELF totally, unconditionally, therefore their perception is their mindset and not mine.

The concept is NOT to change how others see US, but to accept and love ourselves totally, completely… because in doing so ALL will fall into place.

We start loving ourselves more and more and in so doing, others can’t help but love us more and more…. with no judgements.

I send you much LOVE, LIGHT AND PEACE….

May the Universe surround you with these Gifts abundantly and may YOU

know the Beauty of WHO YOU are WITHIN…

Blessings,

Gina Guidarelli

Goddess Magenta

FEBRUARY 2010 QUESTION:

How do we communicate our intentions of love & make sure they are received with the intention we “EXPECT”

My answer is actually very simple… you see LOVE is SIMPLE, so easy and wonderful and LOVE BEGINS WITH YOU!!!

Every relationship improves when you love yourself and LIVE with the awareness of YOUR LOVE.

We, All of us, are made for Love, and it starts by loving ourselves first. We always have a choice and if we love ourselves, we choose LOVE. So this Valentines Day, and every day, lets start the day by looking at ourselves in the mirror and saying out loud…”I LOVE ME”… the ME being the I AM, the beautiful persona we are… by connecting with the wondrous Being We are within then we firstly communicate our intentions of love to ourselves and we will ensure that these are met with a ‘HUGE’ YES.. I AM beautiful, I AM amazing, I AM all that there is… because WE ARE… We were created with Divine Love…

Therefore knowing that we are Love, total, beautiful, fulfilled Love, when we express such to others from our Heart… then we do without expectations of what others will say or do, as WE already know we are loved within.

Allow your feelings to shine forth and others can only be attracted to that beautiful Love Light and their heart will feel the same as we do…. but if at times the other person responds with a non loving feeling, then know they are in a place of not knowing themselves how to love their SELVES and it is not because of YOU/US… it is their own inner feelings.

We have choice and Free Will, so in this case, we have a choice to acknowledge their low Love Energy and share Ours or WE may choose to allow them the opportunity to feel as they are as it is THEIR prerogative and most importantly THEIR JOURNEY…

IT ALL STARTS WITH US!!!! We are Love, WE are Divine, We are Infinite, We are all there is… WE ARE!!!!

I LOVE YOU ALL, always … unconditionally and totally…

Blessings of Love, Light and Peace…

Goddess Magenta

JANUARY 2010 QUESTION:

“What is the most important thing to give your loved ones this year?

The Gift of LOVE, is THE most PRECIOUS GIFT OF ALL!!

Love can be seen or defined in many different ways…

Love… the feeling of complete connection, unconditional acceptance, total giving of self…

This is MY definition of love.

What an amazing Gift to give your loved ones.

To connect with a partner, a child, a parent, or anyone you describe as a “loved one”, is the most precious, divine gift of all. Most of us feel that, “yes, I do that all the time, but they don’t reciprocate”… or some others feel “how do I do that?”

The best way of knowing is by asking. Open the communication with your loved one, simply ask them “How do you feel about our loving connection?” and then listen with “no judgment”… which is, at times, one of the hardest things to do.

Our judgments separate us, cause friction – which shut us down. When a judgment is used, in this moment, we loose the connection with our loved one. We need to trust and with trusting comes openness without judgment, the ability to speak our truth from a place of heart, a place of deep Soul.. We, humanity, knows when one speaks from that very loving, special place as we don’t feel threatened or attacked. So this year, this Holiday Season, and every moment give the gift of Love. Tell your Loved ones how special they are, allow them to feel your loving energy… do it with words, with actions and with SOUL… when one cannot express the feeling in words, let your SOUL speak Volumes… the others will hear it and will FEEL it deep within their Soulful selves.

Wishing you much LOVE, Peaceful Guiding Light and JOY in this Holiday Season and every second of your Divine Life…