When I talk about self-responsibility in a relationship – it’s about finding the words that will explain what you’re feeling or what you’re feeling vulnerable about.

In a relationship, any relationship, where you want to discuss something where you feel uncomfortable, feel vulnerable or want to share something that’s not working for you in a relationship – this video shows you how to first clarify two things:

1. What do you really want for the relationship?
2. What do you want to address with the person in this specific moment or incident?

Sometimes we get things all muddled up thinking the person does not want what we want, does not understand us, does not care about what we think – that we forget we can make active change in a relationship and change the outcome – if we voice our desire to do so. But this requires first – that we get clear on what are you feeling and the words to convey your thoughts about your feelings.

I’m a very physical person, so it took me a long time to learn how to verbalize what I feel. As a result, I spent years writing, complaining about people not understanding me, and not speaking up for what I felt, thought or wanted. I’ve now learnt that doesn’t change things for the better – or for what I want!

Do you find yourself often thinking the worst when there is a conflict?

You’re not alone! Most of us get scared when we have divergent or conflicting points of view! But – don’t forget, that we are not meant to agree on everything, in fact the spice of life is having different points of view on a situation.

The trick is to not get stuck in an emotional interpretation of a situation that takes you out of thinking you can bring your point of view to the person so that they understand how you feel.

We often mix up the overall beauty of the relationship with a one-time incident that may upset us. Often, you get upset over an incident and that upset will cloud your perception of the entire relationship, rather than taking a moment to think, you know – overall I have a good connection here – and knowing this, I can address this particular incident with this person and see what could be possible.

In the video, I share steps on getting clear on how you feel – and how that is our individual responsibility to do so – when we are in a relationship. And once you get clear on what you feel, think and want, you can be an active participant in the relationship and make creative decisions on how to deal with trouble spots, difficult feelings or emotions and difficult choices.